“I was a part of the Red Hot Chili Peppers… jump rope team in first grade.”
“How do I get on the Snapchat feed?!”
“Hold my hand and pretend like we’re lesbians-those girls are doing it. Never mind. I don’t like this.”
“She dropped her shersher.” ?
“Wow, what is this porcupine thing?” It was a plant.
“Why am I sticky?”
“You should go up to Eminem and say, ‘I really identify with your lyrics about not knowing your own strength because I broke a toilet flusher this morning.'”
“Magic Lazer. He’s the best guy ever.”
“Is that a balloon or the moon?” *clearly a balloon*
“I’m into you, but my drunkness is taking over.”
“ACL, let’s get sweaty!” – Phantogram
“Life is too short to live in Dallas.”