A few good men

My name is Mike Jordhoy, and I am responding to Kristin Williams’ article “What happened to gentlemen?” in yesterday’s paper. She spoke of how the traditional role of men as gentleman seems to be disappearing from our ever-changing society. I think perhaps she should take a better look.

Ms. Williams speaks of how she grew up in the South, where people are well known for their manners and generosity. However, she claims that men no longer fill the shoes of the “Southern Hospitality” insignia. According to her article, the “gentle” has been completely erased from the term “gentleman”.

I didn’t grow up in the South-in fact, I grew up in Canada, the Far North. Despite my geological placement, my parents still taught me the value of manners. I learned from a young age to always respect my elders, open doors, and pull out chairs. I have been dating my present girlfriend for nearly a year and a half, and not once have I failed to walk her to the door or treat her with complete respect. And I am not alone with these values: for nearly all of my closest friends, such “gentlemanly” acts are not the exception, but the norm.

Ms. Williams referred to the advancement of feminism in the ’60’s as the root of the “problem”. I believe that feminism is one reason that men are no longer seen in the same light. The reason, however, is not because less is expected of men but that less is allowed of men. I cannot say how many times I have offered to carry groceries or give up my umbrella, only to be told that “Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I need your help! I’m just as capable as you are!” Rather than helping out, as was my intention, I was instead scolded for “presuming” my female friend was too weak too “take care” of herself. Why is it that often-times women berate men for being gentlemen, and then complain about how there are none?

A second matter to consider is the famous line: “Nice guys finish last”. I’m sure a lot of women are going to instantly disagree with me on this point, but in general not many girls really go for the “nice guy”. Many women claim that they would love a great guy who did all these things for them, but when they are faced with the chance to date a “nice guy”, most women would pass up the opprtunity. Why? I honestly don’t know. I just know that women usually pick the “cool” guy who is nothing like what they previously claimed to want. If I’m wrong on this point, why is the line so well known? And there-in lies the problem. I know many guys that started out acting the gentleman, only to lose countless girls to some nameless jerk. Unfortunately, after constantly being passed up for someone that most definitely does not fit the “nice guy” profile, many guys change themselves to fit what they think girls want. And guess what? They start finding dates.

I want to make myself clear on two matters:

First, I am not saying that all men are gentlemen. I am well aware that to many guys in our day and age, such courtesy is completely foreign. But in my experience, the good far outweigh the bad. I would like to point out that when looking at a beautiful painting that has a single rough spot, attention is immediately drawn to the rough spot and the beauty of the rest of the painting is momentarily forgotten. So too in this instance-many men are kind and courteous, but it is so much easier to notice the occasional jerk because he sticks out.

Secondly, I am not saying that all women are so called “Independent Women” who refuse offers of aid and pass over the “nice guy”. However, there is a large amount of these women, and when a guy sticks himself out on a limb as a gentleman and he is met with hostility or indifference, the chances that he will want to continue being a gentleman are reduced greatly. What is the point, if we’re just going to get yelled at or ignored?

I would like to say that although our culture has evolved and the stereotypical “gentleman” has evolved, in no way has he died. I call to all guys reading this to show what you are really made of, and prove that there still are a few good men.