Guy talk

In the spirit of Easter last weekend, I have decided to write anentire article about rabbits. Not really, but I bet you read thisnext line.

What I really want to talk about is everything I haven’tdone in college that I hope somebody will do for me before theirgraduation.

Let the reflecting begin. There are only eight days of schoolleft, and then I’m out of here like the pleasantly plump kidin dodge ball.

So don’t be scared. Sure most of these things are illegal,don’t worry about it. Legal is overrated.

Do the dirty in west stacks — I will admit, thehardest thing about accomplishing the task is the fact I have onlybeen to the library four times in my entire college existence.

I have been in the west stack’s stairwell and I will sayit would make for an enjoyable adventure. Safety first.

Streak at a football game — Due to the lack ofattention paid to the field during the average game by the averagespectator, I figured it would be a waste of a brilliant pasty whiterump if I made the mad dash. But it can be done.

Step on the seal — The biggest taboo on thehilltop. The Charlie Sheen badass in me wants to walk on the wildside just to see if the world comes crashing down around me.

Plus I know other people have done it by accident and were neverpunished. Please watch your step.

Chunk water balloons from the roof — I’mpretty sure a three man sling shot could pick off an innocentbystander at the bus depot on a given Thursday night.

It gets hot at night and what a generous offer to douse yourfellow Mustangs in the finest of tap water. Be cautious of the factthat a direct hit would be the equivalent of being hit by a boulderat 60 mph from five stories up.

Go to class in a trench coat — Not a big deal,unless I left the rest of my clothing at home. Sitting naked inclass with nothing but a little coat to conceal my walking stickand the family jewels, how sweet.

Go, go gadget…

Throw a party in the dorms — If the RA is down, thegame is on. If the Shuttles elevators worked, I could have workedmagic. Now I’m left wondering what could have been.

Nothing brings a dorm together like a few cases of Natty Lightand the best of the Baha Men playing in the background. Who did letthe dogs out?

Let a hamster loose in Umph — I honestlydidn’t want to do this until about 10 minutes ago. I juststarted thinking about old pranks from high school, and this cameto mind.

Actually I didn’t try to do it in high school either. Ijust think it would be funny if while you were munching down onsome “real food,” a little hamster went running acrossthe floor. I’m wasted.

Go visit that museum by the stadium — I heard itholds the largest Spanish art collection in the world outside ofthe one in Spain.

But if the things inside are as cool as the wave outside, maybeyou should move the dorm party into the museum. Watch out forrunning bulls.

Toilet paper an officer’s ride — Nothing saystake your parking ticket and smoke it like a little gift wrappedcar.

However, I would be careful because if you are caught, you areliable to run into all six officers working the shift at that time.I would be willing to take that one for the team. The more cops onthe scene, the better the chance illegal parkers worldwide willpark free that night. Beware the wrath of Norris.

Bring down the posts — I have waited four years forthis one. No luck.

Against TCU this season, three points separated the posts fromthe front steps of Dallas hall. The posts need to fall and thestudents need to carry them to D Hall to pronounce the return ofMustang football.

Of course this feat will only be possible assuming that coach Bis going to bring a couple of W’s our way.

The spirit of Doak lives on.

Sell some cookies — All I want to do is sell somecookies. Cheap cookies, I will sell them to anybody. I don’tknow why I didn’t think of this earlier in the year.Everybody loves cookies.

Think of the possibilities — chocolate chip, peanutbutter, cinnamon, and mozzarella surprise. Got milk?

Start a boy band — I would call the group MightyMustang Thunder. I hope that name isn’t already taken.

I think a Boys II Men theme would fit best. The entire groupwould wear the same thing. I envision messed up hair with the”I just woke up” look, pastel polo shirts with thecollar up, khaki shorts, sandals or loafers and some ridiculouslooking sunglasses.

Now the only problem will be finding guys that look like that.Backstreet is back, alright.

Swim in pool after hours — The barbwire fence hasalways held me back. That and the fact a buddy tried to completethe task and got busted my first year.

The water is so inviting and so warm, especially in the areawhere you pee. The nights here get so hot and muggy. If a waterballoon doesn’t hit you, the pool is the next best bet. Getwet and wild.

For some of us, time around campus is getting shorter, forothers, it is just the beginning. I ask that all of you do yourbest to make the most of your time here at SMU.

Oh, if you try any of the things I listed, either don’tget busted, or if you do, don’t tell them it was my idea. Andstay out of the fountains.

For questions, comments or concerns please e-mail Guy [email protected].