The two-for-one tent sale at Condom Sense is in full motion. Thebirds start chirping, the bees start buzzing and showing some skinbecomes the fashion.
Oh, it is also the week before final preparations.
Caffeine pills and other drugs that keep you up all night justtripled their annual sale. Sleepless nights, trips to buy coffeeand the yellow highlighter take over the night. Students acrosscampus are scrambling at the last minute to learn asemester’s worth of knowledge in a few nights. The librarieslook more like the Max than a place to study. If you haven’tseen a friend in a couple of years, your best bet to reunite couldbe the library. I, on the other hand, won’t be in attendance.Yes, you heard me — me no likey study time.
While many students prepare for endless hours of study time andthorough review of notes, I will be sleeping. Well, chances are Iwill be working. I work more than most sweat shop children in aMartha Stewart factory. OK, low blow. I don’t work that much.In an effort to kill all of my spare time during my last few weekson the Hilltop, I have decide to write. Luckily, I prepared forthis task.
I have been developing my master plan since my first year here.Take a ton of hours early, take an easy semester, cramp in thosedamn CF’s and then kick back and relax. Twelve of my 15 hoursthis semester are electives. The only three hours that matter arethe only three that require my attendance on campus. So everyMonday and Wednesday from 2 p.m. to 3:20p.m., I hike to my class,learn my brains out and then get gone.
As you can see, I’m no English major, which leads me to mysurprise of the century. I haven’t shared anything this bigsince I told everyone about my … never mind.
I’m writing a book. Yeah, laugh it up funny guy.
Great, English professors and English teachers all over theworld just choked on their chalk. For that, I’m sorry. Thebook is no joke. I’m as real as that rash on your innerthigh.
The idea came about a few months ago when it was brought to myknowledge that women’s soccer goalie Amanda Clark published abook of poetry. She showed me a Web site that gives nobodies likemyself a chance to make a statement.
At first I laughed at the idea. People had sent e-mails saying Ishould put all of my articles into a clip book, but I never reallytook the idea seriously. Then I thought that maybe I could writeabout my four years here at SMU. I knew that all of my family andfriends from back home would buy the book. Even if it was just topoke fun at me.
Once I started to write the book, I realized there was a muchgreater potential for it to have an impact outside of thiscommunity.
The book talks about my first interaction as a freshman all theway to graduation. Obviously it isn’t finished yet; I plan tohave it done the week after graduation.
The book covers the events that turned the average high schoolstudent entering the college scene into a young adult ready to headinto the “real world.” Many high school students headinto college purely on the drive of escaping high school. Thisleaves many incoming students unprepared and unaware of what awaitsthem.
I also talk about the ability to make the most of the collegeexperience. I show the benefits and disadvantages of gettinginvolved around campus.
The most important part of the book is the level of humor. Myentire focus of the book is to keep a steady dose of “GuyTalk” humor. I want the information to be respectable andinformative, while still simple to follow. I do my best to”dumb down” the reading in an effort to prove that lifeis too simple for big words and complex plots. This is my excusefor having a third grade reading level and barely being able tocomprehend the words in a Dr. Seuss book. My goal is to develop theunderstanding that people in general take things too seriously, getcaught up in the buzz of society and then forget to live each dayto the fullest. Last time I checked, you only get to live each dayonce. Unless you hang out in New York until like 12:01 a.m., andthen fly to Hawaii on a super speedy jet. Then you might get torelive a couple hours.
The farther I get into the book, the more I think it actuallylooks like something a person could buy in a bookstore. I envisionparents of high school juniors and seniors picking up the book as acollege prep gift. It could even be a tool used by college studentsthat become lost in the transition from high school to college andare looking for alternatives in life.
I know this probably reads like and endless plug, although Iwasn’t planning for that. If I wanted a plug, I would havedone something like: READ MY NEW BOOK AND LIKE IT. Maybe evensomething like: MY BOOK RULES! BUY IT OR DIE!
I just wanted to prove that I haven’t been a big slackthis semester. I have actually found a way to put all of my sparetime to use. I don’t want to make anybody mad, especiallybecause you are probably reading this article during one of yourstudy breaks.
In all honesty, I feel for students that have three, four oreven five finals. A little man inside of me says,”Don’t laugh, kid, you used to be there.” Thenthis other little man comes along in a sweet looking jump suit andbeats the other dude’s ass. He tells me to love every minuteof it. So I am.
Final score: Guy 1, SMU 0. Now it is time to bring on the realworld.
No hard feelings, good luck with exams.
For questions, comments or concerns please e-mail Guy [email protected].
