Five tips to ward off your stalker

Do you feel like someone is following you? Does that girl in your Spanish class seem frantically obsessed with everything you do? Have you tried to avoid that guy you always see around campus but he continues to show up in your life? If you said yes to any of these questions, it sounds like you might have a stalker problem.

A stalker can be a friend, an acquaintance or someone you don’t know. Some of the obvious telltale signs of a stalker are when someone sends you a copious number of texts or phone calls, they coincidentally turn up wherever you go, or they send you threatening or worrying items or messages.

While it may seem adorable at first to have a cute human-pet fawning for your attention, a stalker can grow into real problem. A stalker will follow you until you give him or her what they want. It’s never cute.

Almost nothing feels more uncomfortable than the unwanted, uninvited, and intrusive attention of a stalker. Stop the stalker before things get out of hand.

To help you fend off your creeper, here are five tips:

1. Clarify your position


Lay it down straight. Don’t jump around from ambiguity to ambiguity; clearly tell your stalker that you’re not interested in a romantic or friendly relationship. Warn the offender that you don’t want them to contact you in any way. Keep the conversation short and concise.

2. Call the police


Alerting the proper authorities will likely scare off your stalker. If not, a restraining order or protective order will protect you. Discussing your situation with a counselor will help put your mind at ease.


3. Accidentally spill coffee on the stalker


If the authorities can’t take care of the problem then it’s time to take matters in to your own hands. Head to your local coffee shop, order the largest, hottest cup of coffee, and dump it on your stalker’s head. It’s really so simple.




4. Use self defense


So dumping a fresh, steaming cup of coffee didn’t quite cut it. Take the more direct route, quickly end it and whip out your knife. That ought to finish things and send them running for the hills.


5. Place a hex


When all things fail, enlisting metaphysical services from a witch will surely bring the offender to justice. Forty-one-year-old Tarot cards and magick practitioner, Victoria Zasikowski offers a variety of hexes, curses and spells. Under username TheEnchantedLand, Zasikowski also casts chants or charms upon anybody you wish.

Analyze the situation before thinking someone is a stalker. An old friend who contacts you after many years is not a stalker. Don’t be paranoid.

And there you have it: five easy tips to get rid of your stalker.

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